Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
