I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
