I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
