sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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