Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
