if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
