I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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