You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
