i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
