I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize