areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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