I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
