she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
