I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.