There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.