Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.