real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize