The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
