then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
