Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
