We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Acid is not a monday night drug
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
