I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
