Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
