I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
