Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
