You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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