just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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