guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
