i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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