So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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