I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
