Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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