I want to make a zoo with you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
