We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
