She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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