DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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