She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
