I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
