She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
