I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can vaginas get frostbite?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
