make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
