yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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