btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
