Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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