i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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