uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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