I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
