It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
