dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
