did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
