she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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