she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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