where am i from again
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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