I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am midnight drunk by noon
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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