Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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