Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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