My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
