the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
