well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
