Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
