it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
