At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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