first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
