my shit smells like andre
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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