but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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