there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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