dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
