New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We have so much sex to catch up on
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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