Ambien. No doubt about it.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
