he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
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