I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
